


he ain't heavy, he's my lover

by ashkore_varg



Series: On the mend [2]
Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Alfie is absolutely head over heels, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, I was gonna make this a lot smuttier but I decided against it, Idiots in Love, Let Tommy be happy 2k20, Let Tommy rest 2k20, M/M, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale, References to Depression, bit of not too graphic smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 18:51:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23843956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashkore_varg/pseuds/ashkore_varg
Summary: After Tommy's breakdown, Alfie has managed to get him to move in with him in his house in Margate. He's still on the mend, things haven't been easy but Alfie is willing to do anything to lessen Tommy's pain and make him better.[This is a sequel, so for this to make more sense you'll have to read my ficI've lost control (please save me from myself)]
Relationships: Tommy Shelby/Alfie Solomons
Series: On the mend [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718161
Comments: 11
Kudos: 80





	he ain't heavy, he's my lover

**Author's Note:**

> Here I go again with another little Alfie/Tommy story! I actually want to try and write more for this pairing because I'm so in love with them, so I'm gonna try my best to fill their tag with a bit more of my work!
> 
> In the meantime, I hope you'll enjoy this! x

“I'll take care of you” 

“It's rotten work.” 

“Not to me. Not if it's you.” 

***

A figure stood still against the horizon, the only thing preventing the leaden sky to blend in seamlessly with the coal black, stormy ocean. 

Wind blowing through his short, jet black hair, waving it around like seaweed at the bottom of that very same rough sea. The dark brown blanket draped over his shoulders looking like a cape as its end flapped in the wind. 

Still there he stood, immovable, as the ocean raged and the wind howled, bare feet buried in the taupe colored sand as another figure watched him from the balcony, hands propped on the balustrade and heart fluttering in his chest.

Alfie watched as Tommy turned around, fingers gripping tightly at the blanket, wind and sand making even the slightest of movements harder than usual. Their gazes finally met as Tommy looked up at the balcony and Alfie raised his hand in greeting, spotting the smallest of smiles spreading across Tommy's lips. 

“Good morning, love. There's some tea and toast, nice and hot, eh? You're gonna need that after standing there for God knows how many hours…” Alfie half-shouted. 

“Coming, coming…” Tommy nodded, his voice nearly getting drowned by the roaring of the ocean and the bellowing of the wind. 

Alfie nodded, his eyes still following Tommy's movements as he retreated back inside the house, his hands rubbing together as a chill had set in his bones. 

It wasn't the first time Alfie had woken up to Tommy's side of the bed being cold and empty, but every time he'd find him in a different spot around the house. This was the second time he'd spotted him outside, by the ocean, but it had been the first time he appeared to be only quietly enjoying the sight. 

The first time had been awfully different… He'd found him knees deep into the water, black slacks and white undershirt still clinging to his pale, cold body. 

Alfie still remembered the terror that had pervaded his body and frozen the blood in his veins, Tommy's voice in his ears recounting the story of how his mother had died, how she'd drowned herself in a river. 

It was a process. 

Alfie never thought he was going to fix him and especially not right away, but he could tell that being away from Birmingham was already helping. Tommy was eating a bit more, smoking a little less, sleeping… Well, sleeping was always the toughest part. 

Nightmares had always constellated and disturbed Tommy's sleep, nightmares about the war, nightmares about John being murdered, nightmares about Michael destroying his life, nightmares about Polly spitting in his face and forsaking him, nightmares about Mosley killing him… And lately, nightmares about his mother, calling to him, reminding him that he was cursed, that there was no way he was going to be saved. 

Tommy screamed in his sleep at times, especially the first couple nights in Margate, he'd wake up in a sweat, confused and terrified, and Alfie, equally frightened, would have to bring him back to earth, ground him again, hold him tight enough to piece him back together. 

And it was hard. 

It was tough for Alfie having to witness the love of his life go through so much pain and suffering, but he was going to manage, he was going to be Tommy's rock, his pillar of strength, his anchor. He would have gone through hell and back if it meant that he could alleviate Tommy's torment, he would have fought and defeated the devil himself for Thomas fucking Shelby. 

“Morning, Alfie…” Tommy's voice came from behind him.

He'd been preoccupied with dropping a sugar cube into each cup of tea, Ruth had boiled the water and toasted the bread, but Alfie had been the one to arrange the table in a pleasant way. He'd never been a man of domestic interests, far from it, he cared about guns, business, brewing and inestimable jewelry, but now that he was dead  _ and _ a God, now that he got to lay in bed with Thomas Shelby every night, things had gotten much different. 

Alfie turned around to face him, the rippling of an ocean wave curling in his chest upon seeing his soft smile. 

“Morning, love.” he grabbed the back of one of the chairs and pulled it back for Tommy. 

Alfie watched as he tightened the blanket around him, a shiver shaking his body slightly before he took his seat. 

“Shouldn't go down to the beach barely covered up at the ass crack of dawn, right? You gonna catch a cold or something worse.” Alfie shook his head as he sat down as well. 

“I'm fine, Alfie… I needed the fresh air.” Tommy sighed, a calm that usually didn't belong to him when being somehow reprimanded. 

Alfie watched him stare down at his breakfast for a while, a crease forming between his eyebrows as if he were deep in thought, then picked up the spoon to stir the slowly dissolving sugar cubes. He wondered what went on through that jagged skull of Tommy's more than a few times a day, wanted to dive into it like in the dark and mysterious waters of the center of a lake and rip off all the bad thoughts like algae rooted on the murky bottom, one by one with his bare hands. 

“Bad dreams again, eh?” Alfie asked after their first few quiet sips of tea. 

Tommy's head jerked slightly to the side, his brow raising matter-of-factly. It was nothing new, Alfie was aware of it, too. 

“Curious, funny things dreams are,” Alfie started, bringing the cup to his lips and blowing into it “y’know, most of the time you don't even remember the bloody things, right? You see random faces, you fucking fly about… Yet the moment you gotta run for your life? You're fucking fucked. No running.”

Tommy licked his lips as he took a cautious sip of tea, his gaze going back to Alfie with a quirked eyebrow as he listened to him going off on one of his usual tangents. The fine China rested back on its saucer, as Tommy's attention was now focused on Alfie, even if he didn't know whether he was fully listening or just staring at his gums flapping. 

“And everybody dreams, even blind people do! Fucking marvelous and remarkable that, innit? Fucking incredible. Animals have dreams as well! Wonder what Cyril dreams about…” a fond smile spread across Alfie's lips, now “Biting Arthur's boney, flat arse, I bet!” 

A snort left Tommy, and a genuinely amused smirk curved his lips. Those slightly chapped, full lips that looked way too pale to be properly supplied with blood, must have been his temperature, the man had stood against the chill of early morning for so long. 

“Alfie, I'm gonna need you to stop looking at me like that for… A few  _ very _ long moments, alright?” Tommy sighed, a tinge of exasperation to his tone.

Suddenly, Alfie was torn away from his musings, confusion washing over him as he frowned at Tommy and his now hardened features. He shifted in his seat, cup still being held midair, halfway to his mouth as his brain seemed unable to compute. 

“I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm afraid I'm not quite following.”

“Stop looking at me like I'm about to pulverize into a million specs and blow away into the fucking wind!” Tommy groaned, before pressing fingers to his own temples. 

Alfie's mouth slacked open just slightly, this being one of those rare times in which his quick tongue failed him. He couldn't blame Tommy, couldn't fire back with a witty remark, because the man was right. Alfie had been tiptoeing around him for quite a while, even if he'd never meant for it to happen, Tommy was a grown man and it was his  _ partner _ he needed by his side, not a mother hen. 

“You know what, Tom… When you're right, you're right.” Alfie muttered, his lips engulfed by his beard “You're not made of fucking paper, you're flesh and bones, right? It's just that--” 

“I scared you. I know.” Tommy interrupted him, eyes still closed as his fingers rubbed circles on his temples “Been scaring me fucking self as well, lately. The things that my brain conjures up…” 

Tommy shook his head slowly, his hands going back to pull the blanket tighter around his figure, his eyelids fluttered open and his gaze landed somewhere in the middle of the table. 

“You're cold, aren't you? Fucking freezing this morning on that bloody beach.” Alfie mused as he tentatively placed a hand over Tommy's. 

And he was right, Tommy was as cold as ice, despite the blanket and hot tea. Tommy's icy blues met the now warm jade of Alfie's, his lips pressed into a tight line and his eyebrows jumped for a moment before giving a nod. 

“Yeah, fucking freezing,” Tommy muttered, reluctantly. 

Alfie stood up, slowly, a grimace warping his features just for a few moments as his unforgiving sciatica struck him immediately. He held a hand out for Tommy and jerked his head towards the old brown armchair. 

“Go on then, let's warm you up, aye?” 

Tommy's gaze bounced from Alfie to the armchair, then to Alfie again. The tiniest of smirks curled the corner of his mouth as he took Alfie's hand and stood up, Alfie looked down at his hands, at the shallow scars left by the mirror shards all those weeks ago, he thumbed at them gently, reverently, then guided Tommy to the armchair, sitting down first. Tommy stood for a few more moments, readjusting the blanket on his shoulders with his free hand, and then using it to card his fingers through Alfie's hair. 

As Alfie looked up at him, he imagined that the first time mankind saw the miracle of the sun climbing up in the sky from out of the ocean must have felt exactly the same. His heart cinching in his chest, a thousand dragonflies flitting about his stomach as he took in the beauty of the man that he loved more than anyone or anything else, the man he was willing to die for. 

_ And he had. _

“We ain't getting any younger, right? And you certainly ain't getting any taller, love, no matter how long you stand there.” Alfie grinned, knowing perfectly well that Tommy would make him pay for such joke. 

“You really wanna sleep on this exact spot tonight, eh?” Tommy asked, eyebrow quirking “It's gonna be quite harsh on your back, you realize that, Mr Solomons?”

A cackle bubbled right out of Alfie's chest at that answer, he could tell when Thomas Shelby was truly threatening someone and that wasn't one of the serious ones, so he knew it was safe for him to hold onto the blanket with both hands, right where it laid on both sides of Tommy's neck, and tug him down to crash their lips together. 

“Ow!” Tommy groaned against Alfie's mouth, but soon enough he was chuckling into the kiss they were sharing, and lowering himself to straddle Alfie's lap. 

Alfie's hands readjusted the blanket so that it would cover Tommy, then cupped his cheeks, cradling his head gently as their lips parted, tongues finding each other in the most passionate brush and heated caress. A harsh breath left Tommy's nostrils, his hands traveling from Alfie's broad shoulders to the front of his dress shirt, making a quick but messy work of undoing the buttons as they kissed. 

A hiss left Alfie's mouth as Tommy's icy fingers rubbed through the hairs on his chest, then splaying over his warm skin. It was only natural for Alfie to break the kiss in order to peel Tommy's undershirt off, exposing him to the unforgiving cold of the room just for a few moments, before the blanket was draped around his naked shoulders again. 

Tommy curled around Alfie, bare chest to bare chest, face buried into the crook of his neck as Alfie held him tight underneath the wool until the rattling of his teeth and the trembling in his body eased. 

“Wish the damn fireplace would be lit…” Tommy mumbled, cold nose rubbing against Alfie's neck.

“Want me to get the fire going, then?” Alfie asked, lips brushing against Tommy's ear. 

“Move and I'll gut you like a fish…” Tommy said right before his tongue licked a streak up Alfie's neck, reaching his earlobe and sucking it into his mouth. 

A half moaned laugh left Alfie's lips, his eyelids fluttering shut at the feeling of Tommy's tongue flicking behind his earlobe that made his whole body quiver. Yet when he thought things were about to get even more heated, Alfie felt Tommy's forehead go back to resting on his shoulder, a shuddering sigh heaving from the depths of his core. 

“You alright, there?” Alfie asked, trying to crane his neck enough to sneak a peek of Tommy's face, to no avail. 

“I kept losing you--” Tommy mumbled, and Alfie furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. 

Had he heard correctly? 

“You what?” Alfie asked.

“This entire night… I kept losing you,” Tommy repeated, still not making any sense to Alfie “I had to get up before I went completely mad.”

“Oh…” Alfie understood, now. 

The nightmares. 

“I'd try reaching out to you, stroke your beard, but you'd turn to ashes and slipped through my fingers…” Tommy swallowed hard, pulling back to sit up straight, but not looking Alfie in the eyes. “I'd call out to you, but other voices would tell me that you weren't there. That I'd killed you.” 

Alfie's heart sunk to his stomach, the scars on his face stung at that, yet he placed a hand over Tommy's as it lay in his lap, but didn't stop his recount, kept quiet and listened. 

“Then I was back in Small Heath, grooming me old black horse Dangerous, and he--” Tommy's voice cracked, dying in the back of his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut before being able to go on “He collapsed, suddenly. When I looked down it-- It was your body. Face disfigured completely by a gunshot, puddle of blood by your head, on my shoes…”

Tommy's breaths became shorter and shallow, his eyes vacant as he looked off in the distance. Alfie cupped his cheek, gently stirring his head back so that he was looking at him again, a chilling emptiness in his gaze. 

“Tommy, I'm right here,” Alfie grabbed one of his hands in both of his and placed a few feather light kisses to his knuckles “right here, love.” 

Tommy's eyes flickered down to their hands for a moment, and Alfie brought his hand to rest flush against his own chest. 

“Can you feel this, Tom?” Alfie asked softly, tilting his head as he watched out for a reaction, any sort of reaction. 

Tommy's tongue darted out to lick at his dry lips, then nodded. Slowly, but he do so, and Alfie nodded in return. 

“I'm so sorry…” Tommy whispered, a hand still resting on Alfie's heart, but the other swiping gentle fingers across the scars on his face. 

“I know, Tom… I know.” Alfie's eyes screwed shut, his scars burning underneath Tommy's touch. Still he turned his head enough to peck at Tommy's palm, softly, reverently. “But I ain't going nowhere, alright?” 

Tommy didn't say anything, despite the twitching in his lips. 

“Thomas?” Alfie called out to him, both hands cupping Tommy's head to guide him back into the room, to guide him back to him. 

"You ain't going, yes." Tommy gave a weak nod, eyes flitting back to Alfie's. 

"C'mhere…" Alfie muttered as he pulled his lover flush against him again, bare skin on bare skin. 

Alfie's worshipful lips began to leave a trail of butterfly kisses across his shoulders, rough fingers gliding over Tommy's milky skin ever so gently, tongue ghosting up his neck. Tommy's eyes had fallen shut, his head lolling back slightly as a soft moan broke free. 

"I'm here, Tommy… You're here with me…" Alfie grumbled against Tommy's ear, as one of his hands slithered inside the front of Tommy's pants. 

A breath got stuck inside of Tommy's throat, as Alfie's fingers caressed and tugged inside his underpants, Tommy melting into a moaning putty, flush against Alfie's body, ragged breath hot upon the flesh of Alfie's neck. 

Tommy's fingers curled into the cotton of Alfie's shirt, hips bucking into his lover's touch, teeth sinking into Alfie's shoulders as his pleasure grew out of control and he was coming apart right in his own underpants, face buried into the crook of his lover's neck, moan stifled against salty skin. 

It wouldn't have been the first time Ruth heard them, but Alfie knew Tommy was always trying to be as quiet as possible if she was awake. 

"I'm still here with you, right? We're both here… Innit, Tommy?" Alfie said as he pulled his hand out of Tommy's slacks. 

"Y-yeah…" Tommy swallowed thickly as he nodded into Alfie's neck "Yeah, we are…" 

Alfie's lips pressed into Tommy's forehead until his breathing had evened out. Alfie knew Tommy was there again, grounded and aware that those nightmares were just that… Dreadful dreams that held no real meaning nor power over him, even as they disrupted his sleep. 

"Shall I ask Ruth to draw us a bath?" Alfie asked after a few, long moments of silence, "So you can go to sleep proper clean, and all?" 

Tommy groaned and pressed his face farther into Alfie's shoulder, as if he was trying to burrow himself there in hopes of disappearing altogether. 

"Embarrassment doesn't suit you, Tommy," Alfie laughed, "she knows what we're up to, right? Ain't exactly a secret, what with how loud you always are in bed and--" 

"Shut up-- Just shut up!" Tommy growled as he pressed a hand on Alfie's lips. 

Alfie raised both hands in surrender, his eyes wrinkling at the corners and speaking for his muted mouth. Tommy dropped his hand with a sigh and was instantly met with a boisterous laugh that made him roll his eyes. 

"Ruth!" Alfie barked out, smirking at the way his eyes widened "Oi, Ruth!" 

"Yes, Mr Solomons?" the elderly woman's voice resounded from somewhere around the house. 

"Draw us a bath, please, would ya?" Alfie went on, his tongue between his teeth as he grinned at the pink flush on Tommy's sharp cheekbones. 

"Yes, of course, Mr Solomons." 

Tommy began to peek out the sides of the armchair, wriggling only slightly in Alfie's lap.

"Fuck are you doing, now?" Alfie asked as he watched him from under furrowed eyebrows.

"Looking for my undershirt. Where'd you toss it off to?" Tommy grumbled. 

"I don’t know, mate, I wasn’t paying attention to that, yeah?” Alfie shook his head “You can just--”

Alfie was about to suggest he just wrapped himself in the blanket, but Tommy stretched aside, reaching towards the other armchair and plucking the garment off its armrest. Alfie nodded, an impressed expression curving his lips downwards, then helped Tommy tug the undershirt down his torso, not without his thumbs caressing the bare flesh underneath the cotton on his sides.

“You warm yet?” Alfie asked, eyebrow quirking up.

“Not really,” Tommy said as he draped himself in wool again, and Alfie smiled one of those goofy smiles that were reserved solely to Mr Shelby.

“The bath’ll help,” Alfie nodded, and Tommy leaned down against him again, cheek flush on his shoulder, like a child.

Alfie’s heart skipped a beat, or maybe several. His arms immediately moving to loop around Tommy, holding him close as he rested his chin over the silky hair on Tommy’s crown. They sat there, huddled together, both dozing off until Ruth announced the bath was warm and ready, and only then, with a bit of maneuvering and convincing, Tommy slid off of Alfie’s lap and finally followed him to the bathroom to wash the sweat and stickiness off of their bodies. 

Alfie washed Tommy’s back and Tommy lathered Alfie’s hair, making sure to point out all of the silver hairs he spotted and proceeding to make fun of Alfie and his old age, while Alfie blamed Tommy’s terrible personality and life decisions for their presence on his head. They bickered for an hour, until their fingers pruned and the water became too cold to splash about in it any longer, and all wrapped up in their robes decided to go back to bed and spend the rest of their day there.

“Feeling any warmer, now?” Alfie asked as Tommy slid under the covers naked, and curled around his body right away.

“Mhm…” Tommy nodded, before pressing a kiss to Alfie’s lips.

“Fucking finally!” Alfie exclaimed, making Tommy roll his eyes but a smile still spread across his pretty pink lips.

Tommy slung an arm across Alfie’s bare torso and rested his head on his chest. Alfie wrapped a protective arm around him and pressed a kiss into his damp hair, inhaling Tommy’s scent mixed with the spicy shampoo he loved to use so much.

That was one of the days that started out bad but turned out good, and slowly but surely they were beginning to outnumber the downright terrible ones. Alfie was sure he could keep them coming, as steep as the climb was, he had faith that as long as they were together they could overcome anything, come rain and come shine, as Alfie gathered all of Tommy’s shards and held them together.  Sure the shards may be sharp, they cut through the skin of Alfie’s fingers, his palms, at times they could even slice across his chest, but he could endure it. He could endure it all if it meant he could held the love of his life together.


End file.
